metamorphosizing

2011-06-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

Another Year

2011-06-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have been through some changes, still battling my weight, still battling depression. Had a baby girl about 4 months ago and have not paid any mind to my eating habits. Feel very blessed to have my baby after 9 years of trying

2010-02-28T08:41:00.000-08:00

I haven't written anything in a loooong time. I havn't changed much
currently at 246 pounds havnt done what I said I was going to. Feeling self defeated.

2009-09-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

So this is my new nephew Estlin and he is AWESOME!!!

lately

2009-08-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted much lately. Summer has kept me busy.. My husband and I have discovered disk-golf and that is a lot of fun. We both have been walking more often, trying to every day. Also we bought some bicycles and have been riding them a little. THat and I have been eating less. I went to the dr and had blood work and turns out I am prediabetic. So I was started on Metphormin. I have been getting headaches since taking it but it has helped me with my appetite and made it easier to lose weight. Currently I am at 248 pounds.

I havn't been doing anything this month

2009-07-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

I Have been making a habit of walking everyday almost 2 miles but I havn't been paying the right amount of attention to what I have been eating. I just started a new job and increased a dosage on my medication so that should help me. My Husband joined Spark People and I joined but havn't put it to good use yet..

My biological clock must be ticking

2009-06-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

It must be ticking cause all I can think about is making a baby its like a preoccupation in my mind and its driving me crazy

here I am in spring

2009-06-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

Loosing

2009-05-24T11:52:00.001-07:00

I have been loosing cause I have been paying closer attention to what is going in my mouth lately.

another job lost

2009-05-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

So I got fired for the first time yesterday for something that was really out of my control. Oh well I didn't really need to work for someone who has that type of personality anyway it would have been unhealthy for me.

2009-05-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Your result for The Brutally Honest Personality Test...

Pollyanna- INFP

27 Extraversion,53% Intuition,20% Thinking, 20% Judging

here are my results
So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it's never gonna happen.

Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You're a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good.

Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME.

Though you're constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic, which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you're not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values.

You're most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards.

Disregard what I said before. You're just easy to find fault in as everyone else!

Luckily, you're generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don't need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself.

queazy

2009-05-10T18:17:00.001-07:00

One nice thing about feeling queazy is that you don't want to eat that much. When you are overweight it is hard to feel like you are attractive. I have been doing pretty good today. I ate frosted mini wheats for breakfast, a fajita for lunch and a big salad with about 3 oz beef for dinner.

ITs getting better

2009-05-07T23:04:00.001-07:00

well I atleast have work now and that is nice.

I NEED A JOB!!

2009-03-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

This economy is lame. There is a huge unemployment rate here and hardly any jobs available. I have applied for a lot of jobs that I felt I would be qualified for and even those I have been turned down. I mean really how is it that I did not even get chosen to be interviewed for a job at a laundry mat? I seriously am willing to do just about any job. I would even work flipping burgers if thats what I need to do. But getting turned down by a laundry mat really makes me feel low. I really need to get out of this funk that I am in. I go for an initial screening interview tomorrow. I hope that being as fat as I am is not going to hinder my ability to get a job. There is no excuse for the way I have been behaving, eating copious amounts of junk. I just need to get my head in a better place that's all. I am back to being Fattah than Evah and trying to fight being More depressed than evah.

PCOS

2009-01-14T12:41:00.000-08:00

So I went to the Dr. She thinks I have PCOS. We will see, maybe when I lose 100 pounds and actually feel like having sex, I could get pregnant, maybe not, but I can't let it run my life. I've been feeling depressed. I started on Celexa, I feel spacey, I hope it helps.

Sunday

2009-01-04T10:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I worked 8 hours, I ate leftover lasagna for lunch and a scone for breakfast and two tacos with some tortilla chips and salsa for dinner. Today we are going to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I also want to see The Yes Man and He's Not That Into You. My back really aches a lot and it is hard for me to sit in the theatre for a whole movie, I know that my weight is contributing to it. I didn't manage to do that much yard work yesterday, but I did take down most of the Christmas decorations from the yard. Today I am going to plant tulip bulbs.

New Year

2009-01-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

So this year my resolution is to be more productive, that being said, I am trying to manage my time better, get things done. I didn't start the new year off right with my eating. I ate eggs benedict for breakfast, I ate bbq pulled pork with noodles for lunch and little more for dinner with an asian salad, I also had two pirolene cookies and a little package of teddy grahams that was in my christmas stocking.
Today is the second of January. For breakfast I ate lasagna. On the bright side... I worked outside in the yard, pulling up the old nasturtiums and dead leaves, I managed to clear out one of the flower beds so I am making progress. So I Think for the new year I should get a good idea about what a weigh.....at 10:20 am on January 2nd ...274 pounds That is so Depressing!!! FATTEST I HAVE BEEN

maybe for the new year

2008-12-29T09:54:00.000-08:00

Maybe I will get a small digital camera and take a picture of everything I eat? Hmmm that would be a lot of pictures. that might be a little wierd? Just something I have been thinking about...I don't know if I would be consistent enough to do it.

I made it to the Y

2008-12-22T22:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't make it to Tops like I said I would because due to the weather some meetings have been canceled and it looks like I wont get there till next year. I did make it to the gym and after a weekend of suffering with food poisoning, managed to do half an hour on the elliptical machine. I still don't feel right in my stomach, but at least I am no longer heaving and running to the bathroom every five minutes.

making a step in the right direction

2008-12-16T09:28:00.000-08:00

I am going to get up tomorrow and weather permitting, go the the TOPS club meeting and face the scales, I need to. I can not go on like I have been, I refuse to.

not wanting to believe what is

2008-12-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

I don't want to accept mortality. I don't want to believe that after I have lived years of this life that it will one day stop. Somehow I want to have faith that I would not parish, but have ever lasting life. I want to linger at that place between sleep and wake, in those early hours where I can almost grasp hold of those dreams, and make them fit. My job is literally a dead end, and when that happens, I do not know what I am going to do, but I have the sinking feeling in my stomach that it will be happening soon.

SHAME

2008-12-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

I am embarrassed to send out a Christmas picture or video of myself to my relatives. I have gotten so fat that seeing those pictures of myself really sends it home . I need to do something quick, I cant believe what I have let myself become, It is disgusting .I feel ashamed of myself. I blame myself. I know what I need to do, why is it that I find it so difficult to remain on the path I know is right? I sometimes feel like I am sinking into a sea of emptiness..

sick

2008-12-03T13:54:00.000-08:00

I hate having a cold and being plugged up and not able to work... Its like my body is forcing me to take time to think about things. To take time to catch up with myself.

the mind mirror game

2008-11-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

There are so many facets of it. I hate some of the places I have put myself, the position of feeling helpless. I hate to see it in others, I hate to feel it, the discord around me, knowing that I can not change it. I am angry at them to some extent, because I doubt I can have children, and they have a beautiful child and they argue about who's turn it is to put up the baby gate, or change a diaper. She gets overwhelmed, it causes discord. I get angry because it isn't fair to put the child in the middle of it, what message is that sending her, and I feel helpless, like what could I do to make any difference. She doesn't need to be around that kind of senseless sorrow or anger, it isn't fair. I hate that I have developed the habit of taking on the emotions of others to such an extent that sometimes I disappear, as if my own self does not exist, only fades in and out. I try to blame my hormones, my weight, my self, God,but what good does it do to lay blame? It doesn't change where I am now, And where I am now isn't all terrible. I know I am capable of becoming much better, chipping away at all the sludge, getting back to my true self, till finally one day I will slip out and become illuminated. Here I am now. I am trying to accept things that I can not change.

A whole day off

2008-11-17T18:34:00.000-08:00

Wow a whole day off, and enjoying relaxing. Got the oil changed in the toyota. Got regestered for next term. Was going to start on Anatomy, but decided I cant afford to right now, so maybe next year. Am having major pms, have been near tears all day.

He lost it and I found it

2008-11-16T22:45:00.000-08:00

So my husband has been steadily loosing fat and getting muscle, I think every pound he has lost I have picked up and packed on. See, he is going to the Gym regularly, I haven't been in almost a week. It's Sunday and last time I was there was Monday. So I am back to being FTE (Fatter Than Evah!!! My friend who I have known since middle school sent me an email with a pic to show what she is looking like now a days- she was smoking hot! She lied to me and said she had gotten fat, well she did have a little pooch, but not the fat kind, the femenine, sexy kind. I was like, heyI will trade you. But I do understand why I am fat. It didn't help that My sister law, Libbys Boyfriend happens to be an awesome chef who made a creamy sauce with havrati cheese and butter and cream in it, and that I ate this delectable sauce over my fried fish and my Eggs cheesey- bernaise- Addict!!! It doesn't help when my hormones attack and nothing helps as much as chocolate ( almost half the box!) It doesn't help to make excuses, to bitch about it. Atleast my husband is looking Sexy! I have been pigging out big time. Really need to find a better way to deal with everything!!!

No I havn't poste in a while

2008-10-26T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have not posted in a while, I have not been doing a very good job of caring for myself. The most exercise I got today was walking the dog around about a 3 block radius. I have managed to gain all the weight I lost back and am actually fatter than ever. We finally got the water problem under out house fixed and I am making headway in school. I am striving to be better about managing my time, it seems I have very little. I have homework to get done now.

Tried to stay aware today

2008-09-01T18:51:00.000-07:00

I left the cream and sugar out of my coffee, I had oatmeal and raisins with a little milk and cinnamon for breakfast. Lunch was half a turkey sandwich with swiss cheese and a salad with honey mustard. Afternoon a small piece of apple pie , I didn't eat the bottom crust. For dinner a cheeseburger and coleslaw and 4 potato chips. I took the dogs for a short walk. When I returned home I ate a small piece of Chocolate-Blackberry pie my sister in law had made with me in mind, because she knew I was having a chocolate attack yesterday. I also drank a cup of coffee with Coffee mate creamer and a cup of Peach Lipton instant Iced tea.

New month maybe a new chance

2008-09-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

I have worked over 130 hours in the last two weeks. The other gal isn't there any more so I suppose when I asked the Almighty to provide for my needs he made a way, I was just hoping it would come a little easier than the way that it came about. I believe things happen the way they do for a reason and perhaps the reason I have not taken the weight off yet is that there are still lessons that keeping this weight is teaching me about myself, my habits and my discipline. I will get there, and I ask the Almighty for help with that to. The Serenity Prayer is good for all kinds of things. So it seemed like keeping track of things really was helping me and I know I have said this time and time again but, I really am going to try to keep track.

Stressed Out

2008-08-07T01:03:00.000-07:00

I am going to get my AA next spring. I've gone back to school. My keeping track of my consumption has not happened. I have just been sidetracked and stressed. I had a Garage Sale last Saturday and it was really slow, I was disappointed. I was hoping to make a little extra money so we could buy a new washing machine, cause ours is going out, it seems like that is the way life works. I found a home for my beloved dog Goliath, I hope he is happy with the single guy who took him, I hope they are a good match.I just could not trust that he would not bite at the baby when she gets to running- that will happen soon.I really miss that little rascal, a lot, I have been crying a lot this week. The worse thing that happened was that my husband fell off the front porch and broke his foot. He has been in bed since Saturday, I have been trying my best to help him, its so hard. I need to figure out how I am going to come up with six hundred dollars extra to take my classes, so I told the other gal I worked with that I am willing to work extra. I asked the Almighty that I may be provided for, and I am. I am so blessed that Steves family is here to help take care of him. He will go to an orthopedist on Monday. As far as my weight, to be honest I really havn't been doing much to help myself lose, but at least, I have been thinking about it. Today I had pancakes and bacon for breakfast, I had 3 tacos with sour cream for lunch, and a steak fajita and chicken quesadilla and 3 peaches , 4 granola bars, an orange popsicle . I just need to find healthier ways of dealing with the stress. So tomorrow I am going to get a massage. And this week I plan to eat lots of fruits (fresh peaches) and vegetables (zucchini from the garden), Drink plenty of water, and detoxify! I have been slowly peeling off layers and layers of sludge (mental, and physical, and spiritual) It almost seems like it is happening too slowly to notice, but it retrospect, I have made small strides. I almost feel like as I am taking off and shedding my emotional baggage, I can more easily shed my physical baggage. It is very hard work, trying to even acknowledge that its happening, when I am mindlessly over- eating. I am trying to be gentle with myself, I am doing a lot and all the changes I have been through in the past few years are enough to make anyone stress. I really truly, (although it is a pain in the arse)do need to write it all down. Sometimes it really helps to just spill it all out . I feel better now.. anyways.

Wii Fit

2008-07-31T00:48:00.000-07:00

We got a wii fit and it is kicking my butt. I am so sore from all the hula hooping and balance games I have been playing. I lost only .75 lbs. but that is better that gaining so I am not complaining. I know if I actually took the time to write it down I would have a better idea. Like I was doing. Its hard if you don't write it all down.

Raging hormones

2008-07-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

I am having very bad PMS. I've felt like biting everyone's head off for the past two days. I am trying to get ready for a garage sell this weekend. I have been eating poorly- Yesterday I had a egg sandwich for breakfast 2 granola bars a fruit cup, for lunch some chicken and noodles with pesto sauce and peas. For dinner I had spaghetti and a roll with butter. I also had some cheese with salami and crackers for a snack.

I am at least being honest

2008-07-25T00:47:00.000-07:00

I ate hashbrowns, fried crisp with 2 slices of bacon, one egg and one piece of whole wheat toast with butter salt and pepper for breakfast- drank 2 cups of coffee with that hydrogenated cream I keep saying I need to get away from. I ate a bag of caramel bugels and that put me way over what my caloric intake should have been. I really screwed up going by MCd's for dinner with a Thursday 2 quarter pounders with cheese deal. So yeah.... I also ate some biscottie 2 pieces with a cup of soy milk and a popcicle.The only exercise I got was waxing the toyota- I spent about two and a half hours on it and it still needs more work.

I feel ashamed

2008-07-24T08:17:00.001-07:00

I have let myself down. In the past two weeks I have only been to the Y once. I have only walked the dogs twice and I have gained 5 pounds. I was really loosing more weight when I wrote down what I was eating. So its time to force myself back to basics again.

I STINK LIKE GARLIC

2008-07-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have a confession- last night I had Garlic chicken pizza for dinner and being the garlic lover that I am, I asked for lots of garlic. My husband said I smell so bad that his eyes are watering. OH poor guy. I know I stink but I love me some good roasted garlic. I probably wont get any kisses for a week.
If you love garlic as much as I do and if you are trying to reduce the salt in your diet you must try Garlic Lovers Garlic spice from the spice man- a local favorite of mine! Check out their products at
the Oregon Flavor Rack www.spiceman.com

a great place to check out music

2008-07-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

Check out this site http://www.artistdirect.com/frontdoor . Its a great place for music.

Aimee Mann and Mark Cohn at the Halfshell

2008-07-16T10:30:00.001-07:00

We went and saw a great concert last night. I ate corn dogs and a nectarine for breakfast this morning, missed my TOPS meeting because I had to wait for the washing machine repair guy to show up, had to pay him 70 dollars to tell me that my bearings are out and that I would be better off buying a new machine than trying to fix this old one. Here is a picture of my husband and I at the half shell concert last night!

Garden and Plant from mom

2008-07-15T09:54:00.001-07:00

Here are some pictures of my garden, the beautiful glads that are blooming and the awesome plant my mother sent me.

July12-14

2008-07-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

It was my 31 birthday- I feel like I still have not grown up. Steve got me a metal detector, I tried to find some treasure and ended up with rusty nails. Some day maybe I will find a real treasure. My mom sent me a beautiful plant. I will try to post a picture, along with a picture of my garden, its growing beautifully. My grandma sent a card that sings--if you are reading this grandma- thanks again, its so cute! I also got some water shoes and a gym bag- now I need to do my part and get back to the gym. Yesterday I did an hour on the treadmill, that was the first real exercise I have gotten in a while. I treated myself and got a massage for my birthday- it was the MOST WONDERFUL!!!

Summer

2008-07-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

Summer is here! I love all the bounty that comes with this time of year- corn, strawberries, watermelon, honeydew, cherries, blueberries, peas. I went to the farm stand and bought plums and strawberries today. I still haven't quite gotten back into the swing of things but I am progressing my way towards it. Tomorrow is another TOPS meeting and I expect that I have gained again. Things will turn around!!!

Plans

2008-06-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

I plan to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables and less processed foods. I plan on doing something to exercise and work towards taking off my excess weight everyday. I plan to not allow myself to give up, because I want to live a life where I don't hurt all the time, I am tired of carrying an extra person around with me, I am tired of feeling trapped in my own flesh.

ME and my niece LOLO

2008-06-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

Here is picture taken a few days ago with my niece Lolo. She is my little ray of sunshine!

What is this yellowing? Diabetic?

2008-06-27T09:52:00.000-07:00

I have been noticing in the last few years that in pictures I have a yellowish coloring around my eyes, mouth and neck, what is this? Could I be diabetic? I am not sure and haven't gotten into the Dr.s yet but it it's been bothering me. I used to think the yellow by the corners of my mouth could be coffee stain or just part of my Mediterranean complexion. But I haven't always had this. So I am becoming concerned. So here it is, can anyone else see what I am talking about? I circled it, I know it looks funny but?!? What is that?

I gained another 3/4 pound

2008-06-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

NO big surprise, I have been eating like crap and not keeping track and feeling like crap. I am in a real funk, I think I will go back to the Dr and talk to her about it, maybe I need some therapy? TOday I ate pizza for breakfast.

gluttonous and I feel like a sausage in my clothes

2008-06-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

I have been eating way to much. Going to way to many summer bbq's and birthday parties. Today it was oatmeal cream pies via little debbie that got me down. I feel like a sausage link packed into my clothes. If I can't stop this soon I will be back to square one.

2008-06-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

I have lost controle again.

I can do it

2008-06-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

I know I can do it. I just need to find something other than food to help me cope when I am upset, or stressed or bored. I am more conscience of when I am eating for no reason other than comfort and that is an important step. I still need to get back on the stick about writing down what I eat. So far today I had a pear, some left over pesto bowtie pasta and some shortcake with raspberry jam.

TOPS6-11 I gained 2.5 pounds

2008-06-12T00:09:00.001-07:00

I know exactly why- making the wrong eating choices, overeating and not getting as much exercise the last few weeks.

2008-06-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

Breaking away from old ways is really hard. Yesterday I didn't bring breakfast with me to work. I started out well enough for breakfast a granola bar, a peach, an apricot, a juicy delicious pear, lunch was salisbury steak, dinner was two cheeseburgers, macaroni salad and bbq beans YIKES!!!! Summer is approaching. I didn't go to the Y. I went to the river and fished. I didn't catch anything!! After fishing I indulged in the Ben and Jerrys cinnabun icecream- my fave!

weekend of gluttony

2008-06-08T00:56:00.000-07:00

We had a bbq and I pigged out and I feel like crap and I am bloated and tired and I have a headache I am full of regret. How could I do this to myself again?

Vacation

2008-06-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

I have been on vacation.. It seemed like all we did on vacation is sit around and eat. I did spend all day fishing yesterday- I only got a few nibbles and caught some tiny little bottom feeders. I ate horribly, had Generals chicken on Saturday night, fish and chips on Sunday morning and hamburger for dinner, Monday I ate a cinnamon roll and a chocolate donut for breakfast and had shrimp alfredo with salad and bread for dinner. I had fun, my back is sore from all the fishing. My father in law took a snapshot of me and the tiny fish I caught. When he sends it to me I will post it.

tops 5-28

2008-05-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

I stayed the same didn't lose didn't gain. I was expecting to gain after memorial day weekend with the hamburgers and fajitas and kabobs and cake I ate. I went to the Y yesterday. I did water aerobics, weight lifting and belly dance class, so maybe that made a difference. This week I am getting back on track.

Feeling a little productive, a little crazy

2008-05-24T01:01:00.000-07:00

I think I am on the manic side of my disorder. I have been feeling very productive. I have not gone to the Y this week for aquasize or belly dance but I had things I just have been neglecting at home. Namely It is time for spring cleaning and I still have a lot to get done. I spent the day before yesterday filing papers and cleaning my room, I still haven't washed the windows, but I did dust and sweep and mop and vacuum I filed papers, I went through the junk and got a box together to donate the the local spca thrift store. I cleaned the kitchen I still need to clean the refrigerator. I would really like to get new kitchen cabinets , however I would settle for a little paint, perhaps different pull tabs and some new contact paper that isn't from the seventies to line the cabinets with. I could really go for new counter top that doesn't leak. A roof that doesn't leak, and a new drainage system, insulation, new windows. The list never ends when you are keeping up in a 108 year old house. I spent time with my Lolo . Maybe the spring cleaning put a little glimmer in my day and once I get the windows clean and maybe some new curtains and a little paint, a new rug I could almost have a makeover for about 200$ I would also like to find some good art to put on the wall in our room. I am still contemplating how to do it. Never the less I feel like I have actually been able to accomplish some chores at home WHOO HOO! Nothing like the feeling of having everything spruced up and in order. I ate pizza for dinner and lunch today. It was garlic chicken flavor and now my husband only wants to give me little kisses because I have stinky garlic breath. Oh well!

Trying not to sink

2008-05-21T22:22:00.001-07:00

I am trying not to sink into my old ways, my depression. I gained 1.5 pounds this week. Haven't been keeping track, barely been exercising, been very tired and just feel like I have no energy, I think part of it is allergies.

Run amuck

2008-05-16T01:47:00.000-07:00

This photographer Frank Haxton - Digiman Photography- took some great pictures at the Reno River Festival. They are not only great photographs, but they are entertaining, if you are like me, a person who enjoys watching people. One thing I found very inspiring about these photos where how healthy and fit many of the team members where, they looked vibrant and healthy, and muscular. I hope one day I will feel comfortable enough in my own skin, look back in the mirror and say wow, I look healthy. I know a lot of it is my weight, but it is also my diet, my stress level, my time management skills, my mental state. I see pictures of myself and I have bags under my eyes and dark circles, I just look so tired, I have also been feeling very tired. Could it be allergies? I feel I am getting better every day I am moving forward and learning to be ever so gentle and patient with myself. I am taking better care of myself but I have such a long way to go, with everything, mentally, emotionally,spiritually. How easy it is to sometimes forget how very lucky and blessed we are just to breath, just to be alive. I know that part of my issue is my diet. I felt so much more energetic and healthy when I was eating more raw fruits and vegetables, nuts, and seeds, drinking more water, taking a vitamin if I could remember to.

Today I had a cup of coffee with cream, some custard, a chicken sandwich with a few criss cut fries, a chicken ceasar salad. A stawberry milkshake.

I've been fighting a cold or allergies maybe?

2008-05-12T21:55:00.001-07:00

I did manage half an hour on the elliptical. I am not sure if its allergies or a cold I am fighting, but my throat hurts. I cant remember all of what I ate over the weekend but it was not a good weekend. I will get myself back to where I need to be. Today I had coffee, an orange, some tropical fruit, a sweet mashed potato with brown sugar and a little butter 3 baby back ribs, a chalupa and a gordita from taco bell, a pickle, 3 slices of salami, a graham cracker, 2 marshmallows.
Overall not a great day but I am rededicating myself. I really appreciate the comments I got from Irene and Felicia, they are encouraging and remind why I am doing this in the first place, because I don't want to go backwards I want a better tomorrow. Thanks so much!

I'm sure I have gained

2008-05-07T08:28:00.000-07:00

I need to get my motivation back. Monday night I did an hour on the elliptical and Tuesday morning I did do an hour long belly dance class, the problem? I have been eating horribly and not keeping track again--Sometimes change is a challenge. My husband has been trying to be supportive and keep me on track. Although I do appreciate it, when he points out what I am doing to be self destructive, it irritates me, mainly because I know I am making a lousy choice as well but at that point I really do want to eat ice cream, and steak for breakfast.

Need to get back to basics in health

2008-05-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

If I do not exercise and eat right I do not have any energy and then, I don't feel like exercising or eating right. So I have been battling this . Thursday I didn't do so hot, I ate left over broasted chicken( two drum sticks and a thigh) with honey mustard for a very late breakfast . I didn't eat lunch. I had a baked potato with broccoli, cauliflower, cheese, turkey, bacon, onions and a salad for dinner. I also had 3 chips of hoy cookies. The only exercise I got was dancing around with Lolo

Tops meeting 4-30

2008-04-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

I am not suprised I have gained 2.5 pounds in the last two weeks. I have NOT been paying attention to my eating and I have NOT been exercising as much as I could. Yesterday I went and did a belly dancing class at the Y. I ate 5 chips of hoy cookies for breakfast with coffee. For lunch and dinner I ate chinese food from safeway. Today so far I have had 2 cups of coffee, a handfull of dark chocolate covered raisins, a banana, and carne asada from Romulitos mexican restaurant, I will have some of that for dinner to.

baby cakes makes my heart flutter

2008-04-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

I just love love love LOLO- she is so awesome!!!! I also felt I should put up a post that shows my new haircut.

Friday

2008-04-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

I skipped out if you couldn't tell on my TOPS meeting. My energy had been poor this week and I had to force myself to go to water aerobics on Friday- I felt better for going however. I ate an orange and 3 strawberries. 3 graham crackers, a bagel, nuefetchal, swiss, and turkey pastrami sandwich, some scallops, clam strips, and calamari.

so tired

2008-04-24T01:14:00.001-07:00

I just feel so drained. I know its because I have been slacking and not drinking enough water or having enough down time. I had a bagel with turkey pastrami, nuefetchel cheese, and swiss broiled for about 3 minutes for breakfast. I took Steve and his mother for lunch- we had turkey sandwiches from DQ with french fries and soda. For dinner I had clam strips, calamari, scallops, and oysters (fried) with asparagus. I also ate a dove bar. NO WONDER I FEEL SO DRAINED AND TIRED!!!

Tuesday

2008-04-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

I don't know whats come over me, just a horrible feeling of not caring, although I really do care. I went to water aerobics, I had an orange and a plum, between water aerobics and belly dance class I stopped at a mini mart and fell from grace- I know its a choice and I should make good choices but at that moment I told myself, I'll burn it off in belly dance- I ate a big snickers bar and some cheese pizza sticks with marinara sauce. For supper I had chinese- Teriyaki chicken and orange chicken, also some fried rice and noodles.

eating out of boredom

2008-04-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

I am coming to terms with eating out of boredom. Or at least acknowledging it more often. The last two days have not been so good. I ate 3 pieces of cake and two candy bars the past two days. along with a slice of bacon, a pork chop, chicken soup with matzo balls, two plums, two yogurts, Oysters, green beans, custard, Taco bell steak gordita, and a taco bell chicken quesadilla, a raw chocolate raspberry bar, some vegetable chips Walked the dogs for exercise. Feeling a little down.

Fried Day

2008-04-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

I went overboard today. Started good- for lunch I had a salad with chicken and light dressing, I had two cups of coffee, no breakfast- that isn't good. Then I stopped by the thrift store that sells the good candy bars from Sees. I ate two of those and we took Marissa out for her birthday for dinner, went to the Chinese Buffet and I over ate there to. I didn't exercise either. Overall not a great day for weight loss.

Thursday

2008-04-18T00:54:00.000-07:00

I had a scrambled egg with a little cheese and a slice of turkey pastrami for breakfast and half a piece of cinnamon toast with butter. For lunch I had one of DQ's new toasted turkey sandwiches, it was yummy but probably had a few calories. I also had a small banana cream pie blizzard. OUCH!! It tasted so yummy! For dinner I ate a chicken caesar salad with the dressing on the side. I also snacked on a small slice of coconut cream pie and two salteen crackers. I didn't do much for exercise but I did free myself from a job that was not making me happy, and I feel some relief.

Wednesday

2008-04-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Well aside from not gaining or losing yesterday I did pretty well. I had an orange. For lunch I had the new southwestern chicken salad from Wendy's it was yummy, I did not use the whole dressing packet and only put on a quarter of the croûtons. For a snack I had a low fat yogurt with light whipped cream, for dinner I had a cup of clam chowder and a salad with honey mustard. The only exercise I got yesterday was walking the dogs to the bank, I'd say about 45 minutes of walking.

TOPS 4-16

2008-04-16T13:35:00.000-07:00

I "turtled" today. That means that I didn't lose or gain any weight this past week I remained the same. That is better than gaining, and I know that I could have exercised more and ate less junk. At least I didn't gain and I am going to try for a loss this week.
Current weight-252.5

Tax Day

2008-04-16T00:49:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness we beat the rush this year on taxes. I went to the Y this morning and a funny thing happened. It had been so long since water aerobics that I forgot the combination to my lock. So I go and lock up all my belongings and when I get out of the pool I realize I do not know the combination. I must have been sitting there 10 minutes trying to remember what it was and attempting different combinations that I thought seemed right. I felt so stuck, I had no access to a cell phone to call my husband (my personal memory banker) and ask him, knowing he'd remember what the combination was. So desperately I looked to a stranger, and I must have looked pathetic wrapped in a towel, soaking wet, scared and said, "I can't remember the combination". I was so embarrassed. She asked me if I wanted to have someone come and cut it open for me, or if anyone else knew what the combination was. I said my husband would know it, but I would have to go out in the lobby in my wet swimsuit and ask to use the phone. She said, "Well if you give me your husbands number I will go and phone him for you and ask him what the combination is for you. "
I thanked her profusely. She said just give me a minute to get dressed and I will do that. Then she opened locker number 41 and gasped- my glasses are not here and she picked up the white jacket and looked at it and said, "I had a white jacket but this isn't mine!" Locker number 42 had a lock on it. Then it dawned on me that somebody who had a similar looking white jacket had accidentally locked this poor strangers belongings up instead of her own. So I told her, well while you are calling my husband I will put my swimsuit back on and go and find who has locker number 42 and let them know what we think happened. And thats how we both helped each other to get our belongings out of the lockers. She called my husband, and got the combo, and I found the woman who had locked the wrong locker. We both laughed about it!
For breakfast I toasted a whole wheat bagel and put hummus on it and then a scrambled egg and a slice of turkey pastrami chopped up to make a yummy sandwich. For Lunch/Dinner I had Subway Foot long sweet onion chicken sandwich and a bag of baked chips and a few bites of coconut cream pie. I did about 30 minutes of belly dancing from fit tv's Shimmy.

Blue Monday

2008-04-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 5:15 This morning I had to work at 6:30- For breakfast I had Go Lean Crunch cerial with Soy milk. I also had banana cream pie yogurt with banana, whipped cream and graham crackers. For lunch I had a Cafe' Steamer with a bourbon steak and potatoes and vegetables. I finally got off work at 5:30 and was very hungry so I had chili nachos. My sister in law took me and my other sister in law out to play Bingo at the VFW hall. It was fun, except that there were a lot of smokers there and the smoke stung my eyes and stunk up my clothes. I won 45 dollars and split the winnings with Cole and Lib. I didn't do much in way of exercise today aside from a few stretches.

Note to self: Its hard if you start the day with a donut

2008-04-13T19:26:00.001-07:00

I woke up to the loveliness of visiting with my baby niece LoLo. We sang songs and laughed together. My mother in law went out earlier and picked up Donuts. I figured a donut for breakfast would be ok because I was planning on doing some exercise later anyway. So breakfast was a Lemon Filled Jelly donut, dusted with Powdered sugar. It tasted so yummy and fresh. Somewhere in my mind I thought I could control my sugar cravings, but it seems like whenever I eat something really sugary like that, then I want sugar all day!!! I think it has something to do with blood sugar levels or something? After the donut and coffee I danced around the living room with LoLo and fed her breakfast. I then took the dogs for a small 20 minute walk. I went to a Baby shower at noon today, I had never met the mother before and it seemed a little awkward, but she is friends with my sister in law. The park where the shower was held was beautiful and warm. We played games and sub sandwiches were served on big french rolls. I ate about a 4 inch sub sandwich filled with roast beef and turkey and cheese and lettuce. I also had a piece of the cake- it was a white chocolate marble cake with raspberry cream cheese filling and it to was yummy. So then I figured I was really going to have to exercise more to burn off that cake and the donut so when I got home I took the dogs for another walk for about half an hour. While Steve cooked dinner I got out the loppers and cut back old blackberry vines that run up the fence out back. Dinner was ready and I ate about 4 oz of New York Steak with Roasted red pepper pasta- about 1/3 of a cup and a small salad with Italian bleu cheese dressing. I also had a piece of black forest pie for dessert from Sherries. After dinner and dessert for the third time in one day- I raked up the berry vines and hauled them in the wheelbarrow three blocks away to throw them in the dumpster. I made two trips . I blame my extreme sweet tooth on that morning donut, It got the better of me today. Oh Well what is done is done. I just have to move in a forward direction make new habits of mindful eating.

Finally a Day off!!!!

2008-04-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

I finally am getting a whole weekend off!!! WOO HOO! So I slept in till 10:00 this morning. For breakfast I had coffee and half a bagel with cream cheese and 3 thin slices of salami. Steve and I went to the YMCA after breakfast. I did 30 minutes on the Elliptical and 10 minutes on the treadmill to cool down. After that I went downstairs and lifted weights I went 3 times through the circuit this time- both my arms and legs were burning. After the Y, Steve took me to Los Dos at the Mall for lunch, I had a chicken fajita salad without the tortilla shell, however I did eat a few ( about 8) chips with salsa. I have been doing fairly well at following the advice of Paul Mckenna about stopping when I feel full, and paying closer attention to my own stomach signals. I drank Ice Tea with lunch. We looked around at the mall for a while.a I bought a cute camel rocking horse (well camel) for my beautiful niece LoLo at a cute shop called Blue Baltic. We went to Wally world and got a new harness for our dog, Jet. My sister in law gave Jet a bath and his old halter got washed more than once, however it smelled horrible and there was nothing that would take the smell out, so we opted for a new one. I also bought some new cutting boards and a little plant food. When we got home I had a two miniature candy bars - a mini twix and a mini musketeers. I worked on sump pumping water out from under the house and trying to snake our weep hole. I then worked for about an hour at turning the leaves and dirt over in the garden. I am so excited, we have big juicy worms doing great work out there! After I worked up a sweat and was beginning to get hungry, Steve brought out a Mojito- except that we did not have any rum- so he put tequila in instead- it was alright but not the same. It went right to my head and I felt flushed and sweaty and hot and like I just wanted to lay down for about 20 minutes. I ate dinner and felt better- we were having leftover sloppy jo's and hotdogs- called them sloppy dogs- I opted on not having the dog or the bun and had a sloppy salad I put sloppy joe meat on a salad-with a little blue cheese dressing- it was interestingly tasty. After dinner I went for a walk for half an hour with my sister in laws and my niece. I plan on having a scoop of rainbow sherbet and a movie tonight. I plan on sleeping in again tomorrow HURRAY!!!!!

Friday

2008-04-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

I did lots of cleaning. I worked on laundry to. For breakfast it was frosted mini wheats. For lunch I tried one of those instant cheese steak sandwiches that everyone in the house was raving about being so good. It had 20 grams of fat and 420 calories, I expected it to taste like it did, but I was disappointed . For the amount of calories it was, it wasn't worth it, it should have tasted a lot better. For dinner I ate the other half of my subway veggie sandwich. I also had a lemon yogurt with light whipped cream and graham cracker for a snack.

Thursday April 10

2008-04-10T22:40:00.000-07:00

I ate the rest of the Mongolian beef for breakfast. I cleaned house for two hours. I had a 6 inch Subway vegi delight sandwich on whole wheat for lunch. For a snack I had a low fat yogurt and a graham cracker. For dinner Mr. A and I went out and had bbq ribs- 3 and a small amount of french fries and a salad with french dressing.

Wednesday

2008-04-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

After my Tops meeting I had half a banana and then some Mongolian Beef from Lees . In the afternoon for a snack I had banana yogurt with whipped cream and graham crackers- a new favorite! 2 pan fried oysters with tartar sauce. Around 6:00 pm I ate another yogurt. By the time I got off work at midnight I was hungry, my stomach was growling, and although I don't like to eat that late I had half a sloppy jo sandwich.

TOPS 4-9

2008-04-09T12:39:00.001-07:00

I lost 5.5 pounds this week!!!!!!! HURRRAY!!!! that puts me at 252.5- thats a 21.5 pound loss for the year so far!!!

Measurements:
chest:49
waist: 45
Hips: 51
Thigh:27

Tuesday

2008-04-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

I had a dentist appointment this morning, afterwards my face felt really funny, like someone had punched me. So I didn't eat any breakfast until around 10:30- So I called it brunch- I ate a mushroom swiss bagel with ham and cream cheese- I figure it was loaded with calories, so I decided this would be my brunch! Around 300 I was feeling hungry- I made another one of those fake banana cream pies- I sliced up a banana in low fat yogurt and topped it with whipped cream and put a low fat graham cracker in it- this is probably a 300 calorie snack- but it was so yummy!!! For dinner I ate half a bagel sandwich with thin sliced meatloaf, cucumbers, radishes, lettuce, cream cheese, olives. I also had about half a cup of custard for dessert. The only exercise I did was dancing around with the baby for about 5 minutes and some leg lifts-crunches- bicycles, for about 15 minutes.

Monday

2008-04-07T19:01:00.001-07:00

Another long day. For breakfast I had some fruit and two slices of cinnamon swirl bread with butter. For lunch a chicken salad, and half a bagel sandwich with veges, cream cheese and thin sliced meat loaf. For dinner a hamburger with with cheese and teriyaki sauce. I did half an hour on the elliptical and some weights and treadmill for an hour.

Sunday

2008-04-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

I finally got a day off and that was GREAT!!!! I had french toast for breakfast. I had a Subway Turkey Sandwich for lunch. I walked to the bank and did a little thrift store shopping. I had an almond, caramel, dark chocolate bar. For dinner I ate veggies and fruit and salad and also had some banana cream yogurt with a graham cracker and whipped cream for dessert. I drank to much coffee today.

Saturday 4-5

2008-04-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today we are having company over for dinner and I am feeling very hungry so I hope I can exercise some self control. For breakfast I had cheerios with bananas and cinnamon toast. For lunch I had chicken noodle soup and a piece of 9 grain toast. For a snack I had a cookie and a prune. Once home I snacked on vegis, cheese, fruit, dip. For dinner I had turkey loaf, cottage potatoes and green bean casserole, and salad. I also had a scoop of blueberry icecream and a little bit of stawberry shortcake. We had a good visit with the company, and the dog did a little better about being polite, I did have to put him in my room a few times but for the most part he behaved.

4-4- Friday

2008-04-05T17:05:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I had a banana and toast with butter. For lunch I ate cornbread with chili and cheese and sour cream and for dinner I had a chicken caesar salad and an extra drumstick.

Thursday April 3rd

2008-04-04T09:55:00.001-07:00

For breakfast I ate frosted wheat cereal. For lunch I went to Red Robin. I know I over did it on the strawberry (what they call freckled) lemonade. I drank 3 of them. I had french onion soup and 3 mozzerella sticks and a quarter of the club sandwich. Then for dinner I ate the rest of that club sandwich and a banana nut cookie. I tried to drink more water today, I managed to get down 6 big glasses. I did not do any working out- I actually have been feeling quite drained and just needed to sleep in . I feel like maybe I am trying to fight off a sickness.

TOPS 4-2

2008-04-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

I lost 1 pound this week- putting me at 258- 16 pounds less than I was at the beginning of this year. I didn't eat breakfast today, I had a philly cheese steak sandwich for lunch. Still working 6 days a week. Starting to get allergies. I ate a few strawberries. For dinner I am having left over kung po chicken.

Tuesday

2008-04-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

I had cheerios for breakfast. I was still hungry at 10:30 so i mashed up a potato with butter and sour cream and ate that. I also ate 3 strawberries. For lunch I had Kung Po Chicken and some more of that for dinner. I also had a banana and a cookie . I did the Namaste Yoga sequence that was on Fit Tv.

I love my little niece

2008-03-31T21:40:00.001-07:00

She is so much fun. I get a good workout while dancing around the living room and singing to her. I am developing biceps just doing that- she is more than 20 pounds now!

March 31

2008-03-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I ate two bananas, two pieces of toast with smart balance, and an Asian pear. For lunch I had a grilled cheese sandwich and a diet coke. For dinner I had carrots, potato and about 3 oz roast beef with gravy. I did half an hour on the elliptical and half an hour on the treadmill. I also had a bowl of special K after dinner cause I had a sweet tooth.

Measurements

2008-03-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday breakfast was a bowl of cereal. Tabbouleh salad for lunch and for dinner some mac -n- cheese and two corn dogs with mustard and salad with orange vinaigrette.

Bust: 50 inches
waist:45 inches
hips: 51 inches
thigh: 29 inches

Saturday 3-29

2008-03-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I had Honey Nut cheerios. I went to the Y and did 40 minutes 10 on the row machine and 30 on the elliptical. For lunch I ate Tabbouleh and a stuffed zucchini from Papa Jos. For dinner I ate pizza.. I did not do good on Friday or Saturday- Cole made banana oatmeal cookies and I ate 6 of them, and then on Friday I forgot to bring a dinner to work and there was banana cream pie that was going to have to be tossed so for Friday breakfast I ate half a bagel with cream cheese and then for lunch I had Salisbury steak and Lima beans and then for dinner I ate 3 pieces of banana cream pie. I know its a cop out but I am blaming my sweet cravings on my PMS.

Tops 3-26

2008-03-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

I had a 4 pound loss- putting me at 259. So far today i have had coffee with bad creamer, and two beef steak tacos on small corn tortillas and a few bites of rice and beans. I had a piece of banana cream pie, a cup of vanilla low fat yogurt, a piece of toast with butter. some teriyaki stir fry. I also drank a few cups of coffee.

3-25

2008-03-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

I ate a scrambled egg sandwich on whole grain bread with a little bit of mayo, salt and pepper for breakfast. For Lunch I had a left over shrimp burrito and I had corned beef stew for dinner. I worked out doing water aerobics at the Y today

March 24

2008-03-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

I had honey bunches of oats cerial for breakfast. I did water aerobics at the YMCA. I ate a grinder for lunch with all the bad stuff on it- pepperoni, salami, ham and cheese about 4 inches of sandwich, with half a peanut butter cookie and 6 doritos. For dinner I had 4 pan fried oysters with aparagus and brussel sprouts. I didn't drink enough water.

Easter

2008-03-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

As far as eating goes, I went a lot overboard today.. I had honey bunches of oats cereal for breakfast. For lunch-dinner I ate way too much: About 6 oz ham, 1 cup potato salad, 1/4 cup bbq baked beans, a slice of yogurt cheese, a slice of salami, two deviled eggs, a roll with butter some vegis- celery and broccoli with spinach and dill dip, about a 2 oz piece of chocolate, a glass of Shiraz and 3/4 of a can of sprite. Then later about 4 cups of kettle corn with a movie and a slice of cake. I didn't do any exercise today. I will do better tomorrow!

3-22

2008-03-22T13:06:00.001-07:00

I ate honey bunches of oats cerial for breakfast. I went to the Y and did 35 minutes on the elliptical and went once through the weight circut. For lunch I ate camerones al mojo de ajo- but left half of the serving for a later time. For dinner I had left over bok choy and chicken chinese food.

3-21

2008-03-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

I made a sausage egg and cheese with english muffin sandwich for breakfast. For lunch I ate a grilled chicken salad from DQ. For supper I had falafel patties with cucumber yogurt sauce and a stawberry smoothie. I walked the dogs and walked with my niece to the thrift store

3-20

2008-03-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I had cottage cheese and apricots, for lunch I ate bok choy, chicken and rice from Lees chinese food, I also ate some of that for dinner along with a slice of coconut cream pie for dessert. I also drank a Starbucks frappacino - that was about 190 calories. So I don't think I did my best yesterday. I did manage to walk the dogs for half an hour but did not make it to the Y because I got my teeth cleaned at the dentist.

Tops 3-19

2008-03-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

I lost 4.5 pounds this week!!! I worked out a lot ! so now I am down to 263 pounds, that is 11 pounds less than I was in January. For breakfast I ate a fruit and yogurt parfait at McDs. For lunch I went to Taco time and ate the new Baja fish taco, I also had a couple of cheesey fries and two bites of my husbands big juan burrito. When I got home I had a banana for an afternoon snack. For dinner I ate broccoli and left over falafel patties with yogurt cucumber dill garlic sauce.

Tuesday

2008-03-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

I had to drag myself out of bed this morning. I just could not seem to get warm this morning. I went to the Y and did an hour of water aerobics. There is a flu going around and I am praying that I am not getting it. SO far I have had some cottage cheese (about 3/4cup) and 3 canned apricot halves. For lunch and dinner I went to Subway and ordered a Subway club sandwich. I ate half of it for lunch with a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, and half of it for dinner. I also snacked on Kashi go lean crunch cerial.

stpatsday

2008-03-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

For breakfast I have had an apple and a a pear a slice of cheddar cheese and two cups of coffee but I am still hungry so I am going to have some cottage cheese now. I went to the Y this morning and did water aerobics. For lunch I made Falafels- I broiled them instead of frying them- I ate two of them. For dinner I ate another Falafel and a small piece of apple pie. I also did 45 minutes on the elliptical

march 16

2008-03-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

for breakfast-fruit and yogurt parfait at mcd's. lunch was fish sticks -4- a fillet, a potato patty, and slaw for snack- apple-1- for dinner, kashi go lean crunch cereal- half an hour on the elliptical . I watched an interesting program on tlc about weight loss. The man on the program is named Paul McKenna, he talks about being conscience when eating and aware of when you are full and hungry. I really admire his approach because it is simple. The show is called I can make you thin with Paul McKenna and its on TLC.

March 15-measurements

2008-03-15T12:31:00.000-07:00

I ate cheerios for breakfast, a cup of coffee with that bad hydrogenated creamer in it. I went to the Y-did 35 minutes on the elliptical machine and once through the weight circuit. For lunch, left over nachos. My husband helped me take measurements today
Chest: 52
Waist: 47
Hips: 52
thigh: 29